Simple & Sweet Gestures

Just wanted to share a quick thought:

Sometimes the most simple things can be the kindest and sweetest things. Gestures that may seem totally unimportant and actions that don't take a lot of effort - may be the greatest thing in a person's day, and may literally make their whole day.

Yesterday, my boyfriend, Devin, brought me a card after he got home from work... it was the sweetest thing. A really cute card, with a lovely, heartfelt note - just because. He let me know how important and appreciated I am. That meant the world.

 Yesterday, also, my friend back in Denver, Em, posted one of my favorite cards on my FB profile... was so nice. Miss that girl.

Today, the guy at the Grease Monkey was talking to me about all the things that my car needs now that it's surpassed 60,000 miles... awesome. Love spending money - well, on other things - but it's pretty important for my car, since this one needs to last me till I can land a real, money-making job and get a less gas guzzling monster. Anyways, he was super nice and when I went to get into my car, there was a bright pink carnation on the dash board. Now, I don't know if all ladies are treated so well, but I love flowers, and the gesture, was sweet and thoughtful.



I find that when someone doesn't smile back when I smile at them, I get irked. But dammit, I'll keep smiling - cause one smile can brighten someones day. So can conversations - you learn so much by just chatting with people and sometimes, it turns into so much more. Friendships, networking, or just a good memory.

It's the little things that give me hope. Fingers crossed for allll the jobs I've applied for. Am going to try to blog more... been feeling inspired to do so lately. And have been inspired to continue delving into 'who I am and what I want.' It's a process... and hopefully it takes a lifetime :)

Sending love all over ---

Ooo and lastly, I stole 2 dog treats from Grease Monkey, and Rio and Maggie were quite happy I did - see, even pups appreciate things!

My Dad

 

 

 
Just wanted to share a story, because my blog is titled 'With Hope' - life should be about inspiring others by actions, living and sharing hope that things will change and be better, and that there is always hope.

My Dad just called and told me about how there were 2 men fishing behind our house at the creek, but on the other side. Neither of the men had fishing poles and were using fishing line like lassos to toss the bobber out and fish that way. Their technique he said was impressive and genius. My parents are in the process of getting our house ready to move soon, which is bittersweet. I won't go into all the emotions, or why the move is happening - but it's a fact now, and one that I will have to somehow get a grip on before I go home for 2 weeks in August. I say this because like many houses and homes, people start getting clutter, and acquire a lot of 'stuff' they don't use and don't need. (I never want this to happen to me... my goal as of right now is to only own and have what can fit in my car... minus a few pieces of furniture that mean a lot to me) Anyways, back to the story, my Dad went in the garage and found an old, but good spinning reel and rod and when my parents went out to do errands they walked down the other side of the creek, which is a park, and the men were gone. My Dad then realized they must have parked down by the old iron gate bridge at the other end of the creek and further down, and not where my parents parked off of the main road - details - so he figured if they kept going maybe the men just moved a little further downstream towards 'Snake Island,' where him and his brothers used to catch snakes when they were growing up. Sure enough, the men were fishing further down and the one had a big sun fish on his line. My Dad said Hey, this is for you, and the man with the fish said I don't need it and they both laughed because my Dad said, I can see that, you catch more fish than me! But then the other man came and took the pole and thanked my Dad for the gift.

It's these simple, small gestures that I hear about and inspire me. It's not the first time my Dad has done such things. He'll sometimes pay for someone else's meal and let it be anonymous, give money to people on the street - I get this mentality from him. One day, I'd like to be able to help people by giving them money, every one of them. While I know people don't always agree with this - I look at it like this... I think it takes an incredible amount of bravery to hold a sign and ask for help, and I think it is a huge shot to a person's pride when they feel the need to do that. I think any way that I can let people know I do care is an important action.

Those men back the creek had a system, and they were fine - but my Dad gave them a fishing pole because we don't use all the poles we have, and he wanted to share. Sharing and giving is something I think needs to happen more these days, and realizing we are all human. We all make mistakes. But we can help one another and bring one another up. By giving the men a fishing pole, he just allows them a different way to do what they were already doing, and giving them a gift they may not have wanted to give themselves. Those are the best kinds of gifts.

I think the line between helping and hurting can be a fine one, and I haven't yet determined what 'good helping' really means. I do know that letting someone help themselves, and helping them to do that is extremely important. Listening to what people need and maybe helping in the way that allows those people to make their own decisions and help themselves - that's what I mean.

Who knows what 1 fishing pole will do to those men's lives, but I can hope that it made their day and that, my Dad's action let them know that someone cares, even if they didn't need it, but just the action of giving. If we all started doing that, in those small ways - holding doors, letting someone pull out in front of us when we're driving, putting a quarter in an almost expired parking meter - the world would be a better place.

* DuRaNgO *

So I have been living in Durango since June 1st, with a family, Devin and Rio and me - Overall, it's been good. I've had a good deal of 'me' time, volunteered at the Telluride Bluegrass Festival, traveled to Silverton and Ouray with Devin's Mom and Aunt, went on many walks with Rio, hiked with her, and finally, after at least 10+ years, rode a horse today. I've explored the town, been to Bayfield, Pagosa Springs, Ignacio, Mancos and Cortez - driven through some - still have a lot to do. I'd like to venture to Mesa Verde, go to Crede, the Trimble Hot Springs (hopefully happening this week), see Farmington, visit the Ute Native American Museum in Ignacio... the list goes on. The photo below was taken on the Kennebec/Sliderock Trail that Rio and I hiked the other day - 6 miles - and the buildings are an old abandoned mine... pretty neat.

If you check out my Facebook page you'll see more adventure photos from the summer :)

I've had a lot on my mind lately... being away from family and 'home', what's next for me, Peace Corps, missing girl friends, and feel pretty alone down here - things have definitely changed. 

That is the one constant in life that can always be counted on though, right? Things will change. For better and for worse - and for me, I think that's part of what growing up is all about. 

I'm still trying to figure out my own path, and it seems that whatever road I am on, is not the road that many travel. While my boyfriend and I got a dog together, I still have this craving for adventure, traveling, seeing people and places, exploring... not settling down, and not being comfortable. But then there's the other part of me that sorta wants that - and they have been butting heads lately. 

I don't want to go into much detail, mostly because I am still unsure of the whole blog thing - while I want it to be like a journal, there are a lot of things I want to say, but won't. Many things that are stressful, that I have no control over - and it breaks my heart. 

I think this summer, overall, has been a much needed break for me. I never knew if or when I'd ride again, and I did today. I have been forced to become more independent and deal with being alone. I've gone, done, and seen some pretty neat things and places, and met some great people along the way. I needed a break.

Come September 12th classes will have started again and I'll be in my last quarter of graduate school. wooot. I can't wait for whatever is next. Fingers crossed that something happens, because that's been my job this summer: job searching, and re-learning Spanish to be able to pass the language exam and graduate.

Last thing I want to say - as the years have gone by, I can say that I have met some amazing people, many that I miss, all the time. But you realize when you move away what you're grateful for, you appreciate the memories, and hold onto them. Distance brings being thankful, forgiveness, and a chance to move on - even when the move may not have been the bravest thing. 

Anyways - thanks for reading if you got this far. Hope at least some of this made sense. Maybe one day I'll open up more and really share --- one day. 

Thankful on this Mother's Day

Missing my mom today, but I know she is having a good/fun day with my sis and Dad - they were headed to LBI a few hours ago. So jealous. Love and miss the beach.

So very thankful for all the love in my life - I think that's important to remember, because people often forget. Somewhere, someone loves you. I believe that. And if it's not love, than it's caring, and compassion - I really don't believe you are every, truly, alone. Maybe I just think that because it's comforting, or maybe I think it because I don't ever want anyone to feel alone or not wanted, so want to be someone who lets people know that I'll be there for you.

My blog has been kinda sad/down lately. I blame it on all the stress I have - between school, all the papers and reading, and then feeling disconnected to people, and to the greater world - feeling helpless is more like it. But even with those feelings, I'm pushing through.

Had an amazing brunch with Sheila, Devin's mom (my boyfriend) - while we should have been cooking for her on Mother's Day, we all pitched in. Made crispy potatoes, cheesy eggs, bacon, and had freshly cut strawberries. SO GOOD. And then I came home and kept picking at the chocolate muffin I bought at Sunflower Market yesterday. I needed some chocolate... typical. But it was so nice to sit outside, enjoy the weather, have really nice conversations, laugh a little, drink bullinis (sp?), and enjoy each other. We brought her a lovely bunch of flowers, such pretty, vibrant colors, and she liked them a lot.

So now I'm home, in this mess of an apartment (moving out on June 1, subletting, and sheesh, we have too much STUFF!) and need to get started on work again. But, the skies are blue, and the weather is beautiful, warm, and perfect for sittin' outside and reading some. So, off I go, for now - again, will write more later - still have to talk about last class last Weds. - always things left unsaid, at least for now :) Sending love all over and hoping everyone is doing well!

Thank Yous

One of the things I believe is that people need to be thanked even for the smallest things. I know I expect a lot of people, but it's because I expect a lot of myself. At most times, my expectations of myself are ridiculously high, and in turn, I catch myself putting those same expectations on others. Flaw of mine. But that gets me back to thank yous... I adore little notes and cards and really think it's a kind and seemingly lost gesture these days. Think about it - what if everyone wrote one thank you a day to someone, wouldn't that make the world a little more thankful and maybe compassionate? Just a thought on this Saturday morning.

Wishing I could be home to spend some time with my mom this weekend. Been missing home a lot. I think that's normal when you really start to realize you're a grown up. Life has changed and things will never be the same again. Friendships are strained, people go their own ways, but there is such beauty in those adventures and new beginnings. My best girl friend and her husband just became homeowners and are so excited! I'm excited for them as the process has been frustrating and long. Makes me continue to think about my life, where I am, and what I want. So not in that place. Actually quite opposite. Have been thinking of applying to Peace Corps and have already started...

Short Update - More later about this week...

Ooo Summer, Please come faster !

Welp, going to be a busy weekend filled with reading, research, and hopefully some paper writing. Not too much to report - pretty homesick, but also super excited for summer (looking at it as my last summer of freedom).

Hopefully ALL of this happens:
Farmer's Markets
Lots of Kayaking and Fishing and Backpacking
Roadtrips -> Durango
Telluride Music Festival
Hopefully Streets of Afghanistan a 2nd time in Breckenridge
Trip Home in August
Concerts at Red Rocks -> Guster, Avett Brothers
Less exciting... Job searching and applying - Trying to combine my love of human rights, the environment/wilderness, and possibly agriculture. Trying to also stay open to all sectors too.

Rio graduated her Beginner Training from Petsmart tonight. She has done so well and is SO smart. Wouldn't trade her for the world. So proud of my little pup.

Ballet tomorrow night - should be fun and inspiring. Fell in love with ballet when I went for the first time this year. Trying to do more things for me, and this is one of them.

Went for a hike this week and did pretty well, although I am severely out of shape! Let myself go since starting grad school. Goal is to start running, small distances/times, maybe sprints - just being outside and having fun with it. I'm finding life is all about steps and processes and learning - change doesn't happen over night, and I have A LOT of passions, cares and goals - so I need steps and time to accomplish everything.

Anyways, I know not all of this is that exciting - but I decided I need a forum to speak, about whatever I need to. This quarter has been so hard, like I said in my last post. I'm floored by what I am learning - for instance, that Native American children were sent, at times forcibly, to boarding schools across the country. I am doing a multi-media project on this, and am excited to paint for the first time in a year. I'll post pics when it's finished - long way to go though.

I am just so disturbed and disgusted with what's happened in the past, and what still continues now. I could be wrong, but I feel like humans are not learning as a whole, and across the board we continue to fail one another and fail this planet. Part of me wants to go live in the woods as a hermit and part of me wants to save the world. Clearly, the 2nd part wins every time. But what does save the world really mean? I think it means doing your part, living for you - but being respectful of others. I think it starts small, local, neighborly, on the family and friend scale. Because if it doesn't start there than how are we ever going to solve the big, world problems? We need to do the small things, and really care about one another - move on from silly judgments and prejudices. We need to stop saying we are going to save people, and help them - and learn that people need support, maybe guidance, but when given the right tools and skills, they can save and help themselves. Don't get me wrong - I am no saint, and still catch myself sometimes and think, ugh. But I think the way the world's changing, we all need to be on board. Just sayin'.

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend, even if it's spent with your face in books - make sure you do something for you and see some sunshine :) Thanks for reading, if ya made it this far <3

Catching Up...

So, it's late here - I had this nagging feeling tonight, more than I have since my last post, (a long time ago) to start writing on my blog again. It's been so long that I forgot how to sign in.

Things have changed, massively. I started and am almost finished graduate school. Almost finishing means that there are so many unknowns ahead of me. While I am trying to stay grounded, and positive, it is not always easy. My mind has been reeling about a number of things lately, from the state of the world (this is a big one...), stressing about finishing all of my readings (there are so many), to finding a job, figuring out where I want to be, if I can be there and find work, what I need in the working world to make me happy - some take priority over others, figuring out my last 'summer of freedom,' and letting myself feel whatever emotions I need to feel about things.

I am hurting, literally - had 2 moles cut off/out today. Stomach and as lovely as it is, under my right armpit. I know... it doesn't feel great. Yet another reason why it's past midnight and I'm up typing. That, coupled with all of my stresses just equal me being up and down, tired, cranky, and yearning for something more.

I found out today my parents will be putting the house, the house I call 'home, home,' up for sale probably by the end of August. I knew they were planning on selling it, but the fact that there is a date now just makes me feel incredibly sad. It's just a house right? I am so thankful I grew up with a creek behind my house, so many memories there. Two of our family dogs are buried in the woods behind our house. There used to be a swing set on the edge of the woods that slowly started rotting away since my sister and I are long past days when you play on swing sets. I used to play pretend games all over the yard, in the old barn that sits in front of the house, in the pool... and that yard served amazingly well for late night games of kick the can, and others I can't remember the names of. So many bonfires and s'mores and hot cider. And my grandmothers lives right next door. When I think of that, and know that her house is so old, that when she's gone it'll be torn down... just writing this brings me to tears. Something new will be built in its' place, and only the people who were around before will remember that old house. My grandfather built a lot of that house - I just learned that this past Christmas. I wish I knew more things like that about my family. Never too late I guess.

It's funny how structures and material things can mean so much to us... I wish they didn't.

I have been trying to cleanse my life, and started with small steps. Eating better, and trying to cut out meat as much as possible, and going through my closet and selling what I can, clothes and shoes I don't wear, and donating the rest. I realized my footprint was larger than I wanted it to be, so I am trying to change that. Next is taking shorter showers...

I have been asking myself a lot of questions lately, and worrying a lot. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying myself too - from cooking and making meals at home (like tasty blueberry pancakes tonight), and making time to play with our 6 month old pup, Rio, in the park, sitting outside to read in my crazy creek chair, and doing little things to keep me smiling. But overall, this quarter at school has been rough for me. And I felt I needed to start writing again. So here I am.