Ya Gotta Just Believe

I went to the dentist and after to visit my uncle today, one of two uncles who are in nursing homes, too young - and struggled to get through the day after my Dad and I saw him.

I dread going to the dentist and being told I need to floss more... which is so true... and that I grind my teeth and need a bite plate... also so true... but what I dread more is feeling helpless. That's exactly how I felt while visiting my uncle. I often feel this in life for so many reasons, because there are so many circumstances and situations where I don't have control or can't help or fix whatever it is that needs mending. It's in these moments that I break down and try to grasp for hope wherever I can find it.

Today it came from my Mom. It's been really nice to be home and be able to talk about how things have changed, and hash out feelings.

Things have changed. Life was very, very different back in middle school and high school. I don't know if I'd go back necessarily, but looking through old photo albums of past friends, and family gatherings, it sure is bittersweet. Life throws people so many curve balls, so many obstacles, so many challenges, but somehow, every time, I've made it through. Not always gracefully and without huge bouts of sadness, but I've made it to where I am now. And dammit, I am proud.

Growing up you learn who is there for you, who would run to the airport in a heartbeat if you needed them - you learn to appreciate the good times, hold on to the memories - you learn forgiveness and how to let go - and by no means have I mastered any lesson well. I am still learning, grappling, and hope that I am getting better day by day.

This trip home has allowed me to let go of things, move on, remember, appreciate, be grateful for, reminisce, take time and given me the chance to be a part of this place again. Looking forward to more time here and next week on LBI where I spent many summers - I can't wait.

So, here's to life, with all its' twists and turns, challenges and heartbreaks, lessons and growth - wouldn't have it any other way.