Random Thoughts

1) I'd like to get another tattoo... not sure where... or what... or if I will... but want one.

  

2) Miss trail work - the creativity and technical aspects that go into it, the labor intensity of it, the pride you feel when you've transformed the land into something people will use for years and years, hopefully appreciate even though they may never understand how much work it took or all the sweat poured into it, but something made with your hands that will allow people to get out and enjoy nature and the environment - and I can hope that they will then care more and be concerned with keeping places wild, open and free. 

3) LOVE vintage clothing shopping and consignment shops - if I could live a different life, or maybe when I am older and want to retire, I'd start my own little vintage shop and buy and sell locally - would LOVE to travel west and buy Native American jewelry pieces and artwork directly from the artists and sell that as well. Fair trade style. I think it's important to recycle things - even though that does mean that someone had to have bought it new, right?

 

4) Looking forward to heading home Friday morning - had a huge bomb drop this past week, didn't turn out the way I'd imagined and hoped in my head, as I had hoped things would be different and change for the better - but who am I to say what is 'better?' - Anyways, expecting something isn't always good, and I hoped too much... but that's who I am. The point is, what I realized is that my thoughts on family have shifted. Blood ties only mean that someone is related to you biologically, which still mean something to me, but what means a great deal more is when someone wants to be there for you, and you want to be there for them - that's family. Who wants to be there. When it matters, and when it doesn't, in happy and bad times. Blood only goes so far, actions and words count a whole lot more - which is probably why I am so darn picky with who I let close to me, because I am so afraid of getting burned. Maybe not even afraid, just tired. 

5) I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want after I graduate and really, what I want period. I'm 26 - a lot of people are settling down, getting married, having children, buying houses. I feel a pull in many different directions. Part of me watches others getting married, reads magazines and sees all these beautiful symbols and trinkets for weddings, dresses, shoes - and wants those things. If I ever got married, I know what I'd want. But I'd be just as happy going to a court house than having some huge to do. One part of me wants that life. But the other so doesn't, and that's the part that's winning. The other part wants adventure, wants travel, and wants to keep exploring the world, and me. Call it selfish, but I feel like I have a calling to give back more - and then there comes the separate wants again. I've been applying for fundraising and development positions and enjoy that work, especially when the cause is something I believe in and am passionate about, but is that really what I want? I am going to school for International Human Rights and Humanitarian Assistance, and the other part of me wants to give 2 years, be a Peace Corps volunteer, and work abroad. I want to work on the ground, with people, helping them make the best decisions for their lives. I want to learn more about agriculture, food systems, humanitarian aid, water conservation, sustainable practices, fish farming, and visit Africa again - so many different things. I feel as though I do not fit the mold that society has set out for people my age, and maybe this is the new mold - not fitting into the old one. How do I compromise all this? I don't have an answer yet. Still trying to figure it all out. Trying to see what I really want, what would make me happy, and still allow me to serve... 

6) Just watched a movie with Bryce Dallas Howard, the actress from Lady in the Water - I think she's fantastic, and underrated, but the movie, The Loss of a Teardrop Diamond, was all right... eh. I also have a new crush on Emma Stone - I just think she seems genuine and down to earth, just like my all time favorite, Julia Roberts. Hopefully, when my sister gets famous I can meet them all. Haha. This makes me think of the documentary, I Am - everyone should see it. Famous people shouldn't be looked at as any different, and we put them on such a pedestal, when we shouldn't. They're just people, like us, human. We can all do just as much good as they can, and stand for the same things. Maybe not get as much attention, but O well. It's one of the best films I've ever seen. So is 180 South - a must see. One of my other bucket list items: to visit Patagonia. I think that's something I am going to work on, creating a comprehensive bucket list. I have so much to do, I feel, and not enough resources to do it all. I look at the great adventurers, and they found ways - so I believe I will too. Somehow. 

7) I decided I am going to blog more - think it's important to share feelings, ideas, beliefs, emotions... think it brings people together, starts conversations, sometimes with people you haven't heard from in a long time, or that you haven't ever talked to. I think that's important. Communication is key in this rapidly changing world. One of my biggest beliefs. 

Anyways - those are my thoughts for the day - a lot, I know. My brain's constantly reeling and working. Rented Soul Surfer too - excited to watch it. On my own for the night, Devin's off on an overnight visiting crews. Very proud of him - he's enjoying this job and doing so well. I think it's awesome when someone can be happy and like the work they perform, even love it. It was so nice during our hike the other day when he showed me all the trail structures - pretty much what I talked about in number 2. Made me miss MCC and the crew him and I lead - O' and if any of my former MCC'ers read this - I have listened to Preacher Man and our Wild Bill Jams multiple times recently. LOVE it, so upbeat, and you all know that I belt out to Preacher Man - woot woot!

Have a Good Night All