Missing my mom today, but I know she is having a good/fun day with my sis and Dad - they were headed to LBI a few hours ago. So jealous. Love and miss the beach.
So very thankful for all the love in my life - I think that's important to remember, because people often forget. Somewhere, someone loves you. I believe that. And if it's not love, than it's caring, and compassion - I really don't believe you are every, truly, alone. Maybe I just think that because it's comforting, or maybe I think it because I don't ever want anyone to feel alone or not wanted, so want to be someone who lets people know that I'll be there for you.
My blog has been kinda sad/down lately. I blame it on all the stress I have - between school, all the papers and reading, and then feeling disconnected to people, and to the greater world - feeling helpless is more like it. But even with those feelings, I'm pushing through.
Had an amazing brunch with Sheila, Devin's mom (my boyfriend) - while we should have been cooking for her on Mother's Day, we all pitched in. Made crispy potatoes, cheesy eggs, bacon, and had freshly cut strawberries. SO GOOD. And then I came home and kept picking at the chocolate muffin I bought at Sunflower Market yesterday. I needed some chocolate... typical. But it was so nice to sit outside, enjoy the weather, have really nice conversations, laugh a little, drink bullinis (sp?), and enjoy each other. We brought her a lovely bunch of flowers, such pretty, vibrant colors, and she liked them a lot.
So now I'm home, in this mess of an apartment (moving out on June 1, subletting, and sheesh, we have too much STUFF!) and need to get started on work again. But, the skies are blue, and the weather is beautiful, warm, and perfect for sittin' outside and reading some. So, off I go, for now - again, will write more later - still have to talk about last class last Weds. - always things left unsaid, at least for now :) Sending love all over and hoping everyone is doing well!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Thank Yous
One of the things I believe is that people need to be thanked even for the smallest things. I know I expect a lot of people, but it's because I expect a lot of myself. At most times, my expectations of myself are ridiculously high, and in turn, I catch myself putting those same expectations on others. Flaw of mine. But that gets me back to thank yous... I adore little notes and cards and really think it's a kind and seemingly lost gesture these days. Think about it - what if everyone wrote one thank you a day to someone, wouldn't that make the world a little more thankful and maybe compassionate? Just a thought on this Saturday morning.
Wishing I could be home to spend some time with my mom this weekend. Been missing home a lot. I think that's normal when you really start to realize you're a grown up. Life has changed and things will never be the same again. Friendships are strained, people go their own ways, but there is such beauty in those adventures and new beginnings. My best girl friend and her husband just became homeowners and are so excited! I'm excited for them as the process has been frustrating and long. Makes me continue to think about my life, where I am, and what I want. So not in that place. Actually quite opposite. Have been thinking of applying to Peace Corps and have already started...
Short Update - More later about this week...
Wishing I could be home to spend some time with my mom this weekend. Been missing home a lot. I think that's normal when you really start to realize you're a grown up. Life has changed and things will never be the same again. Friendships are strained, people go their own ways, but there is such beauty in those adventures and new beginnings. My best girl friend and her husband just became homeowners and are so excited! I'm excited for them as the process has been frustrating and long. Makes me continue to think about my life, where I am, and what I want. So not in that place. Actually quite opposite. Have been thinking of applying to Peace Corps and have already started...
Short Update - More later about this week...
Friday, April 22, 2011
Ooo Summer, Please come faster !
Welp, going to be a busy weekend filled with reading, research, and hopefully some paper writing. Not too much to report - pretty homesick, but also super excited for summer (looking at it as my last summer of freedom).
Hopefully ALL of this happens:
Farmer's Markets
Lots of Kayaking and Fishing and Backpacking
Roadtrips -> Durango
Telluride Music Festival
Hopefully Streets of Afghanistan a 2nd time in Breckenridge
Trip Home in August
Concerts at Red Rocks -> Guster, Avett Brothers
Less exciting... Job searching and applying - Trying to combine my love of human rights, the environment/wilderness, and possibly agriculture. Trying to also stay open to all sectors too.
Rio graduated her Beginner Training from Petsmart tonight. She has done so well and is SO smart. Wouldn't trade her for the world. So proud of my little pup.
Ballet tomorrow night - should be fun and inspiring. Fell in love with ballet when I went for the first time this year. Trying to do more things for me, and this is one of them.
Went for a hike this week and did pretty well, although I am severely out of shape! Let myself go since starting grad school. Goal is to start running, small distances/times, maybe sprints - just being outside and having fun with it. I'm finding life is all about steps and processes and learning - change doesn't happen over night, and I have A LOT of passions, cares and goals - so I need steps and time to accomplish everything.
Anyways, I know not all of this is that exciting - but I decided I need a forum to speak, about whatever I need to. This quarter has been so hard, like I said in my last post. I'm floored by what I am learning - for instance, that Native American children were sent, at times forcibly, to boarding schools across the country. I am doing a multi-media project on this, and am excited to paint for the first time in a year. I'll post pics when it's finished - long way to go though.
I am just so disturbed and disgusted with what's happened in the past, and what still continues now. I could be wrong, but I feel like humans are not learning as a whole, and across the board we continue to fail one another and fail this planet. Part of me wants to go live in the woods as a hermit and part of me wants to save the world. Clearly, the 2nd part wins every time. But what does save the world really mean? I think it means doing your part, living for you - but being respectful of others. I think it starts small, local, neighborly, on the family and friend scale. Because if it doesn't start there than how are we ever going to solve the big, world problems? We need to do the small things, and really care about one another - move on from silly judgments and prejudices. We need to stop saying we are going to save people, and help them - and learn that people need support, maybe guidance, but when given the right tools and skills, they can save and help themselves. Don't get me wrong - I am no saint, and still catch myself sometimes and think, ugh. But I think the way the world's changing, we all need to be on board. Just sayin'.
Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend, even if it's spent with your face in books - make sure you do something for you and see some sunshine :) Thanks for reading, if ya made it this far <3
Hopefully ALL of this happens:
Farmer's Markets
Lots of Kayaking and Fishing and Backpacking
Roadtrips -> Durango
Telluride Music Festival
Hopefully Streets of Afghanistan a 2nd time in Breckenridge
Trip Home in August
Concerts at Red Rocks -> Guster, Avett Brothers
Less exciting... Job searching and applying - Trying to combine my love of human rights, the environment/wilderness, and possibly agriculture. Trying to also stay open to all sectors too.
Rio graduated her Beginner Training from Petsmart tonight. She has done so well and is SO smart. Wouldn't trade her for the world. So proud of my little pup.
Ballet tomorrow night - should be fun and inspiring. Fell in love with ballet when I went for the first time this year. Trying to do more things for me, and this is one of them.
Went for a hike this week and did pretty well, although I am severely out of shape! Let myself go since starting grad school. Goal is to start running, small distances/times, maybe sprints - just being outside and having fun with it. I'm finding life is all about steps and processes and learning - change doesn't happen over night, and I have A LOT of passions, cares and goals - so I need steps and time to accomplish everything.
Anyways, I know not all of this is that exciting - but I decided I need a forum to speak, about whatever I need to. This quarter has been so hard, like I said in my last post. I'm floored by what I am learning - for instance, that Native American children were sent, at times forcibly, to boarding schools across the country. I am doing a multi-media project on this, and am excited to paint for the first time in a year. I'll post pics when it's finished - long way to go though.
I am just so disturbed and disgusted with what's happened in the past, and what still continues now. I could be wrong, but I feel like humans are not learning as a whole, and across the board we continue to fail one another and fail this planet. Part of me wants to go live in the woods as a hermit and part of me wants to save the world. Clearly, the 2nd part wins every time. But what does save the world really mean? I think it means doing your part, living for you - but being respectful of others. I think it starts small, local, neighborly, on the family and friend scale. Because if it doesn't start there than how are we ever going to solve the big, world problems? We need to do the small things, and really care about one another - move on from silly judgments and prejudices. We need to stop saying we are going to save people, and help them - and learn that people need support, maybe guidance, but when given the right tools and skills, they can save and help themselves. Don't get me wrong - I am no saint, and still catch myself sometimes and think, ugh. But I think the way the world's changing, we all need to be on board. Just sayin'.
Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend, even if it's spent with your face in books - make sure you do something for you and see some sunshine :) Thanks for reading, if ya made it this far <3
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Catching Up...
So, it's late here - I had this nagging feeling tonight, more than I have since my last post, (a long time ago) to start writing on my blog again. It's been so long that I forgot how to sign in.
Things have changed, massively. I started and am almost finished graduate school. Almost finishing means that there are so many unknowns ahead of me. While I am trying to stay grounded, and positive, it is not always easy. My mind has been reeling about a number of things lately, from the state of the world (this is a big one...), stressing about finishing all of my readings (there are so many), to finding a job, figuring out where I want to be, if I can be there and find work, what I need in the working world to make me happy - some take priority over others, figuring out my last 'summer of freedom,' and letting myself feel whatever emotions I need to feel about things.
I am hurting, literally - had 2 moles cut off/out today. Stomach and as lovely as it is, under my right armpit. I know... it doesn't feel great. Yet another reason why it's past midnight and I'm up typing. That, coupled with all of my stresses just equal me being up and down, tired, cranky, and yearning for something more.
I found out today my parents will be putting the house, the house I call 'home, home,' up for sale probably by the end of August. I knew they were planning on selling it, but the fact that there is a date now just makes me feel incredibly sad. It's just a house right? I am so thankful I grew up with a creek behind my house, so many memories there. Two of our family dogs are buried in the woods behind our house. There used to be a swing set on the edge of the woods that slowly started rotting away since my sister and I are long past days when you play on swing sets. I used to play pretend games all over the yard, in the old barn that sits in front of the house, in the pool... and that yard served amazingly well for late night games of kick the can, and others I can't remember the names of. So many bonfires and s'mores and hot cider. And my grandmothers lives right next door. When I think of that, and know that her house is so old, that when she's gone it'll be torn down... just writing this brings me to tears. Something new will be built in its' place, and only the people who were around before will remember that old house. My grandfather built a lot of that house - I just learned that this past Christmas. I wish I knew more things like that about my family. Never too late I guess.
It's funny how structures and material things can mean so much to us... I wish they didn't.
I have been trying to cleanse my life, and started with small steps. Eating better, and trying to cut out meat as much as possible, and going through my closet and selling what I can, clothes and shoes I don't wear, and donating the rest. I realized my footprint was larger than I wanted it to be, so I am trying to change that. Next is taking shorter showers...
I have been asking myself a lot of questions lately, and worrying a lot. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying myself too - from cooking and making meals at home (like tasty blueberry pancakes tonight), and making time to play with our 6 month old pup, Rio, in the park, sitting outside to read in my crazy creek chair, and doing little things to keep me smiling. But overall, this quarter at school has been rough for me. And I felt I needed to start writing again. So here I am.
Things have changed, massively. I started and am almost finished graduate school. Almost finishing means that there are so many unknowns ahead of me. While I am trying to stay grounded, and positive, it is not always easy. My mind has been reeling about a number of things lately, from the state of the world (this is a big one...), stressing about finishing all of my readings (there are so many), to finding a job, figuring out where I want to be, if I can be there and find work, what I need in the working world to make me happy - some take priority over others, figuring out my last 'summer of freedom,' and letting myself feel whatever emotions I need to feel about things.
I am hurting, literally - had 2 moles cut off/out today. Stomach and as lovely as it is, under my right armpit. I know... it doesn't feel great. Yet another reason why it's past midnight and I'm up typing. That, coupled with all of my stresses just equal me being up and down, tired, cranky, and yearning for something more.
I found out today my parents will be putting the house, the house I call 'home, home,' up for sale probably by the end of August. I knew they were planning on selling it, but the fact that there is a date now just makes me feel incredibly sad. It's just a house right? I am so thankful I grew up with a creek behind my house, so many memories there. Two of our family dogs are buried in the woods behind our house. There used to be a swing set on the edge of the woods that slowly started rotting away since my sister and I are long past days when you play on swing sets. I used to play pretend games all over the yard, in the old barn that sits in front of the house, in the pool... and that yard served amazingly well for late night games of kick the can, and others I can't remember the names of. So many bonfires and s'mores and hot cider. And my grandmothers lives right next door. When I think of that, and know that her house is so old, that when she's gone it'll be torn down... just writing this brings me to tears. Something new will be built in its' place, and only the people who were around before will remember that old house. My grandfather built a lot of that house - I just learned that this past Christmas. I wish I knew more things like that about my family. Never too late I guess.
It's funny how structures and material things can mean so much to us... I wish they didn't.
I have been trying to cleanse my life, and started with small steps. Eating better, and trying to cut out meat as much as possible, and going through my closet and selling what I can, clothes and shoes I don't wear, and donating the rest. I realized my footprint was larger than I wanted it to be, so I am trying to change that. Next is taking shorter showers...
I have been asking myself a lot of questions lately, and worrying a lot. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying myself too - from cooking and making meals at home (like tasty blueberry pancakes tonight), and making time to play with our 6 month old pup, Rio, in the park, sitting outside to read in my crazy creek chair, and doing little things to keep me smiling. But overall, this quarter at school has been rough for me. And I felt I needed to start writing again. So here I am.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
"I believe in God, only I spell it Nature." - Frank Loyd Wright.
"In the shelter of each other, we live." - One of my roommates friends words, that I have fallen in love with.
I will write more about my adventures later. I am turning 24 in 2 days... and celebrated some this weekend, with more to come. I am learning o' so much, and cannot even begin to explain it now, as my time is short at this cafe. Chai and cafe time on Sundays and really any day has become a favorite thing. Chai in general really. The whole crew, all 12 of us, packed in to 3 cars and make the trek to Missoula to watch the band Head for the Hills... awesome. Danced the night away. The next morning a few of us walked around Missoula, explored some - what a great town. The weather was warm and felt like spring is just around the corner. Back in Kalispell now, and about to head to Whitefish to do some birthday cake baking, so I will write more later - when my house actually has internet... cannot wait. I did finish the book, Eat, Pray, Love... and would recommend it. It's inspiring and hopeful, and I can only hope my life is as filled with experience, adventure and love as much as hers, the author. Anyways, all the best everybody. And Happy St. Patrick's Day early!
"In the shelter of each other, we live." - One of my roommates friends words, that I have fallen in love with.
I will write more about my adventures later. I am turning 24 in 2 days... and celebrated some this weekend, with more to come. I am learning o' so much, and cannot even begin to explain it now, as my time is short at this cafe. Chai and cafe time on Sundays and really any day has become a favorite thing. Chai in general really. The whole crew, all 12 of us, packed in to 3 cars and make the trek to Missoula to watch the band Head for the Hills... awesome. Danced the night away. The next morning a few of us walked around Missoula, explored some - what a great town. The weather was warm and felt like spring is just around the corner. Back in Kalispell now, and about to head to Whitefish to do some birthday cake baking, so I will write more later - when my house actually has internet... cannot wait. I did finish the book, Eat, Pray, Love... and would recommend it. It's inspiring and hopeful, and I can only hope my life is as filled with experience, adventure and love as much as hers, the author. Anyways, all the best everybody. And Happy St. Patrick's Day early!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
I am convinced that a cafe, a cup of chai, and gigantic snow flakes can bring a smile and rest my soul. I have been pretty down lately - a lot of changes happening, that either I am not ready for, didn't expect (when do you really expect negative things?) or just downright don't want to deal with. I found that one of my loves is snow shoeing... there can be three feet of snow and you can glide right across because you have these awesome things strapped to your feet! I've learned that my heart really has been out West all along. Learned that I can hack it in the academic world, and if all goes well, I'll write about it. Learned that the East coast is just not my thing. Learned that I miss my friends and family terribly, but that I absolutely HATE the phone. I find it annoying and monotonous to be on the phone. I'd rather text or email or just talk to you in person... which will be difficult for the next so many months. I learned that my body needs to get stronger - ankle is still swollen, and I am not allowed to do much on it now. I have to learn that rest + time = wellness. I don't like to be still... stagnant. That means boredom and laziness. It's snowing here now - loving it. We worked with Habitat for Humanity yesterday and one of the other crew leaders and I got to work up on a scaffolding machine - it was awwwesome! We un-drilled... if that's a word... screws holding sheet metal on a barn, because the sheet metal was being donated to Habitat from the ranch owner, someone supposedly everyone would know - famous businessman who wanted to remain anonymous. Silly if you ask me, but at least he's donating? Ah well. But that was pretty exciting - first job we have had since we started and we were all ready to go. I felt like a little dare devil stepping on the plat form and leaning over the edge to use the drill, stepping out on the roof and removing the sheet metal - all with a harness attached of course. I am so ready for this challenge. Tomorrow we work with Habitat again and have just been learning a lot of lessons - so many things. Sending love to the home front. Hope all is well. More later.
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