Today has been rough. Many tears. I said my final "see you laters" to two of the closest people to me. I am physically hurting, and have been for the past week. It's the fear of the unknown that has my stomach in knots, my head constantly throbbing, and my chest loosening and tightening with mounting anxiety and stress. I guess all you can hope is that the decisions we make are the right ones, and that we find happiness. I'm a worrier so absolutely everything affects me to some degree, and letting go is really foreign concept.

The family dog, Jess, of 13 years, is showing signs that his time with us is coming to a close. This is also incredibly hard to handle. Pets become members of the family, with their own character and personality taking almost human form. I am in a place of denial and know it. I have cried so many tears that my eyes are just tired of crying, yet the tears come still, in waves. I think with any passing, we think of our own mortality, and what is next - after life.

There have been many people that I have lost. I never properly grieved, because I never really knew how. How do you say final goodbyes? How do you cope with not knowing what is next? How do you cope period? I don't have it in me to really go into everything I'm feeling, and I don't know if I will share it on here. I do know that I am struggling, hurting, and my heart is partially broken.

The other thing, is that I am awful with change, in any form. I associate change with being negative, and while that may not be the case all the time, my experiences have led me to this association. Everything is changing, and now my life is changing too, and it's all too much for my mind to handle... and so the tears keep flowing.